Thinking about kindness and reflecting on my behavior has got me thinking about all kinds of things. I find myself driving down the freeway contemplating the difference between love & kindness and whether or not one can be kind without being pleasant or nice. And, of course, I spend a lot of time thinking about how I show up in the world.
I may have mentioned that I have a..ahem...direct side. I'm sure of myself and I'm often sure I'm right about any given thing (or everything). I have no qualms about asking a hard question or giving clear feedback about something. There is a positive spin on these things for sure. I do, however, hear the negative versions of this feedback from time to time. Aloof. Cool. Emotionless. That last one really stings. One time, a personality inventory said that when I'm not at my best I can appear like a "hachet-man". I'm not exactly sure what a hachet-man is, but I bet he isn't kind.
Here's the thing though. I'm one of the most sentimental people I know. My friend Sarah says I have a heart made of squishy marshmallow. I think she's right. I love real big & deep. Silly commercials about bread & coffee bring to tears. I care more about the people in my life than I could ever articulate. However, this isn't the first card I play. I lead with aloof, cool, or detached.
None of this is really about kindness at all, except that I don't play that card first either. Why not? What do I risk playing loving & kind first?
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