marshmallow playing cards

Thinking about kindness and reflecting on my behavior has got me thinking about all kinds of things. I find myself driving down the freeway contemplating the difference between love & kindness and whether or not one can be kind without being pleasant or nice. And, of course, I spend a lot of time thinking about how I show up in the world.

I may have mentioned that I have a..ahem...direct side. I'm sure of myself and I'm often sure I'm right about any given thing (or everything). I have no qualms about asking a hard question or giving clear feedback about something. There is a positive spin on these things for sure. I do, however, hear the negative versions of this feedback from time to time. Aloof. Cool. Emotionless. That last one really stings. One time, a personality inventory said that when I'm not at my best I can appear like a "hachet-man". I'm not exactly sure what a hachet-man is, but I bet he isn't kind.

Here's the thing though. I'm one of the most sentimental people I know. My friend Sarah says I have a heart made of squishy marshmallow. I think she's right. I love real big & deep. Silly commercials about bread & coffee bring to tears. I care more about the people in my life than I could ever articulate. However, this isn't the first card I play. I lead with aloof, cool, or detached.

None of this is really about kindness at all, except that I don't play that card first either. Why not? What do I risk playing loving & kind first?

The Village Smith

I picked the week of a trip to launch this little experiment of mine. Nothing like the planes, trains, automobiles of getting to and from to bring out kindness towards others. It is not easy to be kind when being shoved through security at 5 AM, let me tell ya.

But I do have to say, I did see other people's kindness in all my travel annoyance. Two people gave up seats on a full tram to allow a mom and baby to sit down. An ancient man had the entire line at the pastry cart cracking up about his choice of doughnut and was beyond polite to the cashiers. A good smile and warm heart was had by all.

My new found focus on kindness gave me a solid 26 hour bump on the kindness scale. However, a busy work week with many competing interest pushed my new-found virtue off stage. Sigh. Maybe next week...


In all this hustle and bustle, I was reminded of a very kind person in my life. My mechanic. You see, I drive a 2004 honda civic (that I no longer love) named Slick. This wonderful mechanic takes such good care of Slick that he is never going to die. But The Village Smith, as he calls himself, is much more than a regular ole mechanic. He is off-the-charts kind when you interact with him. My most recent interaction with The Village Smith went something like this.


          Me: Hi Village Smith (VS), this is Michelle calling. You take care of my honda civic.


         VS: I sure do, Michelle, and I'm so blessed to be able to do that. Thanks for calling me today.


I am so stunned at his sincerity and kindness that I almost forgot why I called (some wheel-barring something something). Anyway, that conversation stayed with me all day.  It wasn't lip service; VS really did feel blessed to work on my car.

I'm sure at some point in my life & relationships, I've said something as kind to someone. But I know I don't do it every day, to any random person that crosses my path.

Do you? If so, how do you make sure to dole out kindness on the passers-by in your life?


This kindness thing is definitely harder than I thought...

For as long as I can remember

I've had something to say, about every little thing, for my entire life. Words like sassy, spitfire, quick-witted, direct and firecracker are always in the top three adjectives used to describe me. On a good day, only one is used. You can guess how many are used when I really get fired up. Had I learned to shut my trap when I was a teenager, I would have avoided 90% of all my foibles (and my parents may have suffered fewer headaches). However, I never did quick my yackin'. In fact, I turn 30 in a few short weeks and the antics haven't stopped.

Lots of other words are found in combination with these when outlining the primary make up of my countenance. Almost always included are: smart, determined, passionate, and leader. Sometimes my nearest and dearest say things like silly, honest, prideful, playful, and generous. Kind is never in the top 10. To be fair, I don't think these besties of mine would describe me as unkind. It just doesn't get high marks when compared to sassy, smart, or honest. 

So there kindness sits, with all the other adjectives, collecting dust at my feet. I stare at it often down there, all covered in spiderwebs, and think, "I'll be more kind today." 

This lasts about as long as my morning cup of coffee. Someone always traps me! Even before the sleep is wiped from my eyes, I think or say something unkind. Someone does something illogical, says something incorrectly, or, god-forbid, tackles a project differently than I would. Did you hear that? Oh right, kindness just flew right out the window.

But a little voice in the way down deep parts of my soul won't let me give up on this pursuit of kindness. Thus, it graces every list of new year's resolutions and personal goals. This year's iteration: Practice Radical Kindness. Because a decade of trying to be kind wasn't enough, this year I needed radically kind...

...which brings us to these ramblings.

I like thinking and writing, so I plan to use this space to write about my adventures in kindness. And hopefully, some of my friends will talk with me about what I write. If all goes according to plan (which always happens) I'll be more kind in no time! Honestly, what could go wrong?